My Dear Liam Neeson,

I am very sorry about your dead wife. I understand that you are filming an Atom Egoyan movie in my country, and it is not far from my town, because you are in Toronto and Toronto is close to my town.

I am comfortable with my sexuality and I have no balls. So, Mr. Neeson, I guess what I am trying to say is this: let me be your new wife and we can raise your children and have lightsaber battles to save the Jews.

I have included rough composite photographs of my proposal. They are immediately below these words.




I understand if you want to take your time. So do I. We need to go slowly. I am small and orange and I can't handle being hurt again.

Ever thine,

Marvin Quincy Longbody-Horriblekitten