My Dear Public,
If you are wondering what happened with the mice, I killed all of them. If you are wondering where I was, I was in jail for three weeks. It turns out that destruction of property is illegal, even if the property in question is a gas-guzzling SUV full of asshole mice that I may or may not have driven off a cliff, jumping out at the last second like a motherfucking ninja.
Anyway, I am pleased to announce my new music project, Cat For Lashes. I will be publishing some tight lyrics very soon, so keep your vaginas burning for me. I will fill them with hot, syrupy music soon enough.
Ever thine,
Marvin Quincy Longbody-Horriblekitten
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Editor's Note: I have not heard from Marvin in over a week. The authorities have been notified. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. Below is an entry excerpted from a note he once sent me.
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The best thing about when there is a birthday in my household is that there is a cake. I fucking love cake. No sooner do flour and butter go in the bottom of the baking pan, than I am sitting on the stovetop, licking said flour and butter straight out of the pan. Then I get yelled at, and MORE butter and flour go into the pan. It's awesome.
Afterwards, they put the cake in the pan and bake it. At this point, it is difficult (even dangerous) to lick the bottom of the pan, as it is heated to very high temperatures indeed, and sealed securely inside the oven. It is possible for me to stand up on my hind legs, rest my front paws on the oven door, and peer in through the glass. This sustains me until the cake comes out and cools.
The next part is the even better part than the best part I mentioned earlier: they put ICING on it. I fucking love icing. No sooner do they ice the cake, than I am sitting on the table, licking said icing straight off of the cake. Then I get yelled at, and MORE icing goes onto the cake. It's awesome.
I love birthdays.
- Marvin
**************
The best thing about when there is a birthday in my household is that there is a cake. I fucking love cake. No sooner do flour and butter go in the bottom of the baking pan, than I am sitting on the stovetop, licking said flour and butter straight out of the pan. Then I get yelled at, and MORE butter and flour go into the pan. It's awesome.
Afterwards, they put the cake in the pan and bake it. At this point, it is difficult (even dangerous) to lick the bottom of the pan, as it is heated to very high temperatures indeed, and sealed securely inside the oven. It is possible for me to stand up on my hind legs, rest my front paws on the oven door, and peer in through the glass. This sustains me until the cake comes out and cools.
The next part is the even better part than the best part I mentioned earlier: they put ICING on it. I fucking love icing. No sooner do they ice the cake, than I am sitting on the table, licking said icing straight off of the cake. Then I get yelled at, and MORE icing goes onto the cake. It's awesome.
I love birthdays.
- Marvin
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