My Dear Public,

After having my personal diary put in a cupboard, I was temporarily unable to write to you. All that is over now. I love you very much, and I am very sorry that I have been gone for so long.

Today, I would like to talk to you about men with ponytails. There is no such thing as a man with a ponytail who does not look sleazy. If you have a ponytail, and are a man, you are disgusting and offensive to the eye. I do not want ponytailed men reading my blog, as I am but a tiny kitten and cannot handle such revulsion as I feel when confronted with such greasy types as exemplify the ponytailed man.

If you are a man with a ponytail, either get a haircut and take a bath, or get away from me forever.

Ever thine,

Marvin Quincy Longbody-Horriblekitten